Women & Bisexuality

Do all women have bi tendencies?

The concept of two women making love with their soft, sweaty bodies pressed against each other has been proven by numerous surveys to be the most popular male fantasy. Same-sex fantasies are common with men and women, but they don’t define a person’s sexuality. Well, that is according to some experts.

Schools of thought
Nothing definitive has been reached by psychoanalysts discussing the origins of homosexuality or bisexuality. Unfortunately, studies are often unpublished or too overstated to bend in favor of the opinions of the analysts involved -- and this has been going on for years. The scientific community’s inability to find a “gay gene” has slightly narrowed the sexuality focus and has led to the question: Are we hardwired from birth or do we choose our sexuality? Research conducted by the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) points to a bit of both. All in all, the research is very inconclusive, which leaves us with the less straightforward issue at hand: women and bisexuality.
who’s doing it?
The demographics tell us a lot. There are three vague groups based solely on age, which is simply indicative of the overall stages of maturity and life experience.

Young women
The first group is between 20 and 35, and the women in this category are far more inclined to be with another woman for the sheer pleasure and experience of it. Sure, they might be excited with the knowledge that they are turning a guy on somewhere in the world, but these women are probably enjoying it. They are more sexually aware of themselves and of others around them, invoking curiosity and a genuine desire to experiment with sensations and their sexuality.

Older women
Women older than 35, sometimes referred to as cougars, have often been married and divorced and may have teenage or grown children. They may have become disillusioned with men due to a distasteful experience, and are now seeking the emotional connection that has been absent from their relationships with men. Though there is a greater tendency for this group of women to jump the fence and become full-on lesbians, they will most likely show an interest in men again once their emotional needs have been filled. Many women will temporarily swap sides to engage in a fully lesbian relationship, and they may seesaw from women to men throughout their lives. This has become a noticeable trend among baby boomers.

Teenage girls
The last group of wannabes is the female population that inhabits high school and college campuses. They are young (between the ages of 14 and 19), impressionable and keen to impress. Internet porn, the Madonna and Britney kiss, Sex and the City, and American Pie have all directly contributed to the new norm of girls kissing girls. The kissing girls are typically straight and everyone knows it. Actually, being straight is one of the rules of engagement, since the girls in this group wouldn’t dream of kissing a real lesbian or bisexual girl, which would be too weird. It’s strictly kissing only -- anything more than a little tongue is unnecessary and undesirable.

Essentially, these girls are emulating a sexual activity simply to attract a guy to go home with that night. It is all for show and they’re finding no actual sexual pleasure in it. Unfortunately, being sexually manipulative means these girls believe they are powerful and provocative, when in reality it’s just a means to an end.

Bi-curious or bisexual?
Bisexuality, by definition, is a sexual and emotional attraction to both genders. Many women (and some men) who consider themselves to be straight are partaking in a societal trend that encourages them to experiment and explore same-sex activities. This behavior is generally referred to as bi-curious simply because these women don’t classify themselves as or identify with being truly bisexual.

Bi-curiosity is an experimental taste of female flesh just for fun and can range from kissing and touching to intimate sexual contact, and everything in between. There is no actual definition of where bi-curious behavior begins and ends, and research is just as unhelpful on this subject. In a recent article in Developmental Psychology, author Lisa Diamond found that about half of the nonheterosexual women studied changed sexual identities more than once in their lives. This finding contradicts the American Psychiatric Association’s viewpoint that there is no evidence suggesting that sexual orientation can change. It is reasonably clear that nobody actually knows what the real deal is.

Anecdotally, it is more common for lesbian and bisexual women to change sexual identities during a lifetime than it is for heterosexual women. This may be due to the inner confusion and social and/or familial consequences of being gay or bisexual. The only real conclusion that can be drawn from the data is that the sexual nature of women doesn’t discriminate, and at different times they will likely be sexually attracted to different "people" no matter what their gender.
Do all women have bisexual tendencies?
In the 1940s, Alfred Kinsey turned the whole argument on its head with his famous scale of sexual orientation. He found that most people didn’t fall into either strictly defining category of straight or gay -- meaning that most of us are a bit bi. There is now a more modern and in-depth scale called the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.

There is very little conclusive research on this topic, but a survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed that nearly 6.9 million American women said they had a girl-girl sexual experience and 2.7 million said their experience was in the last year. In a recent Marie Claire sexuality survey, 55% admitted that they would have sex with another woman, but only if nobody found out. Marie Claire’s readership is generally between the ages of 25 and 35.

Historically, traditional Chinese medicine thought that bisexuality helped balance the yin and yang energies within the body, Freud reckoned that everyone is bisexual to an extent, and Tantra believes we are all inherently bisexual. There are now more open ideas that bisexuality is a natural part of us, but where this acceptance takes us is dependent on many factors -- some of which are completely out of our control.

How do I know if my girl is bi-curious or bisexual?
Chances are that if you don’t already know, you may never. Girl-girl action can be very spontaneous, but a woman generally has a notion of how far she would be willing to go. These guidelines are, of course, flexible depending on the situation. The easiest and fastest way to find out if the woman in your life has bi tendencies is to ask her, while watching for signals may have you very confused very quickly.

Appreciation vs. stimulation
Females love to hate other females, especially beautiful ones. On the other hand, women also love to admire other women and do genuinely appreciate their beauty. She may openly admire breasts, legs, rear ends, backs or another woman’s style, but it is not an indication that she wants to get down and dirty with another woman. Enjoying sexuality in general is also not a good indicator of her "bi-o-meter" because every woman is different. The only real way to know what she wants is to talk about it openly and discuss what you think, feel and desire.

The truth about bisexuality
As a man, it may seem appealing to have a woman who enjoys the best of both worlds. The reality is that being truly bisexual is hardly glamorous. Bisexual people often get the worst of both worlds, with “biphobia” being a constant reminder that they don’t fit into either sexual model -- homosexual or heterosexual.

Bisexuals may be accused of sitting on the fence, going through a phase, spreading STIs/AIDS, being sexually promiscuous, being selfish, playing the field or not being able to make up their minds. This discrimination and heckling follows the general idea that you must be at one end of the sexual scale, not somewhere in between as Kinsey suggests, and later research and anecdotal evidence supports. Bisexuality is just one of the many misunderstood aspects of human sexuality, so just be careful what you wish for.

bisexual adventure
It is hard to define sexuality these days with so much media constantly bombarding us and telling us what’s sexy and what’s in vogue. Taboos are getting kicked to the curb daily, and new and interesting sexual adventures are being suggested as normal. This new sexual age also means the taboo of being bisexual or bi-curious is no longer an issue since everyone is apparently doing it to be considered cool at school, to try something different or for a complete change of lifestyle. Whatever the reason, if you want to know more about your girl’s sexuality, ask her. She likely has a fair grip -- just as you do -- on what she wants and how you (or another woman) fit into that. The more open you are with each other, the better your sex life will be.